“Real Cougars” are business women, and they are wives and mothers. A “Real Cougar” is not defined by a band on her finger, it’s her attitude about life. She is a woman who is constantly looking for new opportunities and knows how to get what she wants. Sometimes things don’t work out exactly as she plans, but she grows from each and every experience.

In folklore a cougar quietly take control of a situation. Sometimes this can lead to conflict with others over territory. A cougar is associated with leadership and teaches decisiveness in the use of personal power.

True leadership through gentle assertiveness is what cougar teaches those with this totem. Cougar people are often very sure of themselves, not taking any unnecessary steps or exerting any extra energy beyond what is required of them to achieve their goal. Most cougars learn by trial and error, which strengthens them and hones their skills.

A cougar will leap at opportunities. They take control of their lives and circumstances most effectively.

5 Components of The Real Cougar Woman

Health & Wellness:
The Real Cougar Woman knows that feeling good is the most important thing. Her body is changing each decade. It’s her responsibility to keep it running at full capacity.

Beauty:
The Real Cougar Woman doesn’t want to look 25. However she understands the importance of looking sexy and fabulous for the age she happens to be.

Relationships:
The Real Cougar Woman knows that relationships are difficult to maintain. What’s interesting about being over 40 is your priorities change. Now it’s time to focus in on what you really want and stop pleasing everyone else.

Financial Freedom:
The Real Cougar Women knows the importance of being financially independent. Without that you never feel completely secure.

Mindset:
The Real Cougar Woman knows how important it is to have a mindset that’s programmed for success. Knowing how to tap into her spirit and her intuition is essential.

Aging is inevitable – how you age is always your choice!

Yuck.

Why is it that women who date younger men get branded as cats of prey, with sharp claws and pointy fangs? Meanwhile, big, hairy men in their 40s and 50s who chase coeds are considered to be heroes? From here on in, let’s refer to them as “grizzled bears.”

I don’t have a problem with women or men dating more virile partners. But the definition of a cougar is not just a lady with a yen for a young buck. She’s a woman who obsessively does Pilates and insists on proving it. She favors leopard print bustiers, skinny jeans and frosty lip gloss. She’s that divorced gal at the office holiday party who won’t get off Santa’s lap. In fact, she’s grinding against him.

Are you a cougar? If you live in Los Angeles, the likelihood of having cougar-like tendencies is significantly higher. God forbid you allow yourself to have one gray hair here. Or abandon “sexy” for “sophisticated.” I wince whenever I see a 50-plus woman with hair too blond, jeans too tight, and a face with nary a laugh line.

At the same time, I just turned 40 this year and I ain’t loving the aging process one bit. It’s harder to drop a few pounds and I suddenly hate my gums. Then again, I can now afford to order the most expensive entree on the menu and I can travel abroad. Plus, I have more confidence than ever. The tradeoff is tricky, but I prefer today to yesterday.

Honestly, am I a cougar? Sometimes. More gum than fang, alas.

What do Samantha on “Sex and the City,” and Gabrielle on “Desperate Housewives” have in common?

Sex and relationships columnist Valerie Gibson would call them “cougars” — women who date men more than eight years their junior — and they’re part of a trend that’s coming off the screen and out of the bedroom.

Gibson says the term originated in Vancouver, British Columbia, as a put-down for older women who would go to bars and go home with whoever was left at the end of the night.

But now, it’s more positive — describing women usually their in 30s and 40s, who are financially stable and mentally independent and looking for a younger man to have fun with.

Gibson, who is single but has been married five times — the last time to a man 15 years younger — describes cougars like herself this way: “She’s in control. She’s very attractive. And she’s very sexy.”

The National Association of Retired Persons released a survey in 2003 revealing that one-third of the single women between 40 and 60 are dating younger men. (But they didn’t say how much younger.)

Comedienne Fran Drescher, 47, said the trend might be due to increased self-sufficiency among the fairer sex. The former star of “The Nanny” dated a man 16 years her junior for four years and now uses those experiences in her new sitcom “Living with Fran,” in which she plays a divorcée with a 20-something boyfriend.

“They no longer have to evaluate a man based off of whether or not they’re going to be a good provider and take care of them,” she said. That opens up “a much wider pool to choose from,” Drescher said.

Competing for the 48-Year-Old
There may also be more cougars today because there are more men that love them.

Self-described cougar hunters, 29-year-old Jeremy Mape, who works in commercial real estate in San Francisco, and 28-year-old Mark Lobosco, who is in software sales there, say they like the confidence and sexual experience of the cougars they know — and the fact most are not looking for commitment.

They even created a Web site, www.urbancougar.com to pay homage to cougars, and say its popularity has soared.

Many older women also look great, said Mape. “You have 30, 40, 50-year-old women who look like they’re 25. And you can’t tell the difference,” he said.

In fact, a cougar is also becoming the focus of a reality TV show debuting on VH1 at the end of May. In “Kept,” a group of 20-something American men will compete to become an escort to Jerry Hall, 48, for the next year.

Hall was famously married to rocker Mick Jagger, with whom she had four children. The oldest are nearly the age of some of their mother’s new suitors.

Hall said if one of her sons said he was going to go out with a woman 15 or 20 years his senior, she would tell him, “Pay attention. You might learn something.”

Hall said her role on “Kept” will be to teach the guys what she likes. “They were fun to play around with for a few episodes. I think there is a toy boy out there for everyone,” she said.

But the cougar hunters thought differently. Mark and Jeremy said they didn’t feel like kept men. “There’s definitely examples where that is the case,” said Lobosco. “But as a rule of thumb, no I don’t think that’s the case at all.”

Tips From the ‘Queen Cougar’
Despite their apparent popularity, cougar relationships can be difficult. Drescher described an evening where her boyfriend John invited his dad and stepmom to her house for dinner.

“When she arrived I realized she was two years younger than me. I went running to the closet to put some tie-dye on,” Drescher said.

For trickier situations, Gibson has written what might be called the official Cougar handbook, titled: “Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men.”

“I tend to see myself as a sort of cheerleader for cougars — the sort of Queen Cougar teaching young cougar tricks,” she said.

The age question comes up often, Gibson said. She advises most cougars not to tell.

“They all have an immediate picture — let’s say a 60-year-old woman: gray hair in a bun, apron on, cooking cookies.”

Appropriate Behavior
The biggest hurdle for May-December relationships, Gibson said, is the cougar’s lack of interest in, or inability to have a baby.

“If he wants children then it’s short term, because he will go off to have his children at some point and you should allow that or even send him off to do it,” she said.

And for people who would condemn the cougar’s behavior as creepy or inappropriate, she said “I don’t see these condemnations as valid.

“I do see them as only aimed at women — putting down older women and trying to control them,” she said. “No way.”